Reflections on some experiences

Discerning God's will.  Probably one of the hardest things to do.  I can't even begin to give advice on how to do that.  I'm learning and trying so hard to right now to understand God's will for me.  So much, that it hurts.  How do we understand the things that happen without questioning that God is good, and his plan is sovereign?  These are some of the questions that are coming to mind as I am searching myself.

I just have to keep remembering that God is good.  He is perfect.

So i'm just randomly throwing this in here, but my friend's status on Facebook was this: "When I try, I fail, when I trust, God succeeds." This is so true. We cannot even learn to discern God's will without his spirit leading in our lives.  It's crazy to think about that.

God has definitely shown himself in this year.  I have seen him work in my life, and I have much more to learn.  This year, God's given me many new experiences and has stretched me.  I've been given success and disappointment in not getting something I thought was supposed to do.  Just this week, I was disappointed because I didn't get a certain leadership position that I thought I might be doing.  But I know it's part of God's will.  It hurts, but I have to trust him.  God has shown me his heart and forced me to continually trust him daily because he has and knows my ultimate plan.  I have to learn every day to seek his will, and not my own.  It's so easy for me because I'm a planner, and I want to have my whole life planned and figured out.  But instead God just shows me his will little by little, and I have to trust him that he's in control.

God really showed me how was in control over this past spring break.  My choir was on tour in Florida and I was getting ready for one of the concerts, and burned my hand on a straightener.  It hurt really bad and I was really frustrated and mad at God that it had to happen right then.  Through all this, God just broke me and said, "I'm in control, stop trying to take over."  Which is totally what I was trying to do.  Today in chapel we sang the hymn, "I Need Thee Every Hour" and this phrase really stuck out to me:

I need thee every hour, teach me thy will;  and in thy rich promises in me fulfill.

The more we seek his will, the more he will show himself faithful in our lives and fulfill promises in us.  It's not always what we want.  Sometimes it hurts and it's not what we want.  But we will see someday exactly why things happen.  Sometimes God is trying to speak to us, and we don't listen, so he has to cause us pain to get our attention.  I definitely strive to be like Paul, who learned to thank God for suffering.  "Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character hope." (Romans 5:3-4)  All the hard things I've dealt with, has helped me grow so much closer to my savior and made me the person I am today.  So if you're reading this, and are hurting and wondering why so many things seem hard or wrong, be encouraged that God is working in your life, and you will come through a better person in Christ.  I believe that with my whole heart.

To end, I didn't end up talking much about discerning God's will, but I know that it's hard, and God wants us to trust him.  He created us for his perfect and awesome plan, and eventually we end up connecting the dots.  It's one of the hardest things to do, but the more we seek Christ, the more we find it.  Patience, perseverance, and having faith/ trust in God, is going to help.  I'm still trying to learn how to discern his will and listen to his voice.  Feel free to comment on your thoughts about this.  I'll end with a quote from A.W. Tozer which is so true and good.

"The man or woman who is wholly or joyously surrendered to Christ can't make a wrong choice.  Any choice will be the right one.  Maybe your question should not be 'What should I do?' but rather, 'Am I wholly and joyously surrendered to Christ?"

That's the bottom line. Seeking Christ, and he will encourage you and help you understand.  It's not something that comes overnight, but over time.  Something I'm still working on.

So really to end, here are the words to Tis so sweet.  This song has been my prayer since I auditioned on it for the music program at Cornerstone.  I don't understand exactly why God has brought me here or why I am doing music, but I've come to peace to know that I am trusting him.

1. 'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
   Just to take Him at His Word;
   Just to rest upon His promise,
   And to know, “Thus saith the Lord!”
   • Refrain:
     Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
     How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er;
     Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
     Oh, for grace to trust Him more!
2. Oh, how sweet to trust in Jesus,
   Just to trust His cleansing blood;
   And in simple faith to plunge me
   ’Neath the healing, cleansing flood!
3. Yes, ’tis sweet to trust in Jesus,
   Just from sin and self to cease;
   Just from Jesus simply taking
   Life and rest, and joy and peace.
4. I’m so glad I learned to trust Thee,
   Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend;
   And I know that Thou art with me,
   Wilt be with me to the end.

The Greatness of Our God

So I haven't updated in a while.  I figured I should maybe write something for you 3 people who read my blog.

This week, God did some really cool things.  His faithfulness to me is so present.  He is so good! He is still doing good things.
It all began with at the beginning of this week, when I got a few calls for summer jobs I'm applying for. Basically I've applied to Group Mission Trips, and TEAMeffort, organizations that put on a short term mission trip/ service project week for youth groups.  It's been amazing because God has bee so good in them! I didn't really know what I was getting into when I applied, but just followed God.  I ended up having an initial phone interview with Group Mission Trips, and then they contacted me and had me create a interview video!  Then this week I got calls from both places, and Group Mission Trips told me that I was moving on to the final interview! I couldn't believe it! TEAMeffort then had me have an interview, so that was Thursday, and it went well! I just can't believe how God's been providing and making everything come together.  I still don't know if I'll get either job, but I'm so blessed to have made it this far! I've already learned and been able to grow soooo much from both experiences.

So that's Thursday.  And Friday was even more amazing.  I got an email in the morning saying that I had my check for my overcharge on my bill, and that I could pick up a check in the business office.  So after my class, I went to go pick it up, and it was 3 TIMES as much as I thought it was going to be! It is definitely a significant amount of money which will help me pay for school next year! I just started crying because God's really been forcing me to trust Him with money.  Basically right now, I don't have a job, I almost got a job at my school's library, but ended up being "runner up."  I had also applied at a lot of other places, and no one hired me.  I was however put on the housekeeping sub list, so I get called sometimes, it's usually random.  Definitely forcing me to trust God because I don't know when I'm going to be getting hours.  God was good in this, because I was able to get 10 hours of work last weekend! And then this check, God's just providing for me! It's so incredible to watch it happen.  And, I got a letter from my friend Sarah! It was AWESOME! She drew me pictures and everything.

Then, it was later that evening, I found out that I was getting the final interview which I already talked about and God also provided for my University Chorale's spring tour.  We didn't have a place to stay for a few nights, and someone who originally said that it wouldn't work out, called back and asked if there was any way he could help. So his church or whatnot will be hosting us, and we've gotten another concert! God totally had it all planned out.

So today (Saturday) was also incredible. My friend Cat had invited me to do some kind of children's ministry with her, and I didn't really know much about it, but she said that there was a lunch thing that we would be going to today, and we thought we would be serving, but really it was a lunch for all the volunteers.  It was great, it ended up being Urban Family Ministries, and we were going to end up working with the Super Saturday that they run, Saturday nights, at Calvary Church which is right across the road from Cornerstone, within walking distance! I met a few people who worked with Urban Family Ministries that had graduated from Cornerstone.  And then I met a few people who know my choir director very well, and it was amazing. Mary, one of the ladies, is a very special woman.  Our Chorale actually went to her house for a retreat, and rehearsed in their barn.  She also had worked with Dr. Walters for many years while he was a worship minister.  This was just an amazing and crazy connection, where I think God was telling me that this is what I was praying for.  I have been praying to get involved with a youth group/ some sort of church ministry, and I know that this is an answer to my prayers.  The lunch was great, I met some amazing people, who really have a heart to serve.  I was able to get into a deep conversations about Crazy Love, which was so encouraging.  All the people seemed so excited to have us volunteer.  There were also a lot of really adorable older ladies.   Then this evening, Cat and I went to Calvary to work at the ministry, and it was really a great time.  Some of the volunteers were like, oh "who's the worship leader?" (Referring to me) and asked me to help with music.  I just had an amazing time with the volunteers and kids that evening, they are all wonderful amazing people.  I feel right at home.

God has just been so good. And he's still working in my life, as I am doing my interview tomorrow.  Honestly, It's been just overwhelming how great God is, and how he's giving back. I'd encourage you all to see areas in your life where God wants to use you.  Developing an intimate relationship with Christ, by making specific time to pray, study his word, will bring so much blessing and joy to life.  That's how I'm feeling, and I would absolutely love for every Christian to be able to obtain that joy.  I still have a lot to work on, and I'm nowhere near perfect, I don't want anyone to take this as me being boastful, but as me encouraging you by sharing how God's working in my life, so that he may do the same in you!

In closing, I would like to share some song lyrics, just really amazing song for me this week.  It's called Greatness of Our God.  Those times where my heart was anxious, but I had to remember that God is greater than my fears.

Give me eyes to see more of who you are
May what I behold, still my anxious heart.
Take what I have known and break it all apart.
For you my God, are greater still.


[Chorus] And no sky contains, no doubt restrains all you are, the greatness of our God!
I'll spend my life to know, that I'm far from close to all you are, the greatness of our God.


Give me grace to see beyond this moment here. 
To believe that there is nothing left to fear.
That you alone are high above it all.
And you my God, are greater still.


[Chorus]


And there is nothing, that could ever separate us
No there's nothing, that could ever separate us from your love.
No life, no death, of this I am convinced!
You my God, are greater still!


[Chorus 2] And no words could say, or song convey all you are, the greatness of our God!
I'll spend my life to know, I'm far from close to all you are, the greatness of our God!

Love in giving: Galatians 6:2

Bear with one another's burdens. Reach out to your neighbor.

Overwhelmed By a Relentless God

You can never out-give God. Never.  God is just so good.


I've been reading the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan. If you have not read it, please do! I'll even buy it for someone if you'd like. Seriously, this book is changing my life.  I can look at life in such a different way. Well anyway, the book has been talking about giving and how God is going to provide for you.  I can't out-give God. He's going to take care of me. Here is a quote from the book that is so true: "If you really want to experience God's supernatural provision, then do as He says. Test Him.  Give more than you can manage, and see how He responds."  He says that this is the only place in the bible (Mal. 3:10) where it says we can test God.  I mean, we can't give Him back more than He's already given us.  And why do we give? Because we love God.  We can't look at it like a chore, but if we do it out of love, it IS love. Love for Christ.


So I took this challenge and decided that anything I needed didn't matter, but in my love for God, I wanted to give back to Him.  I had not given to God all semester, and I had already paid my bill for the spring, except my parents paid around $250 which I didn't have.  I was thinking I should save the money in my account to give back to them, but after reading about it Crazy Love, I knew I had to give back to God, and that should be my priority.  So I gave back to God, and decided that I would give all I have, because I love God.  And how did God respond?  Just yesterday I got an updated bill from Cornerstone that they had a mistake on one of my charges, and that it was actually $100 less than what I had already paid.  So I will be getting $100 back.  That's more than I was even able to give in the first place.  God is just so good.  And I want to share His goodness with the world.


Another thing Chan talked about in the book was how the Corinthian church, everyone gave to help eachother out so that there was a balance of needs.  Those who had less, were given so they became equal to those who gave to them.

Our desire is not that others might be relieved while you are hard pressed, but that there might be equality.  At the present time you plenty will supply what they need, so that in turn their plenty will supply what you need.  Then there will be equality, as it is written: "He who gathered much did not have too much, and he who gathered little did not have too little." - 2 Corinthians 8:13-15

What if we did that for each other in our society today?  We might be looked at as Crazy, but why should we hoard everything we have to ourselves because it is so brief.  Our life on earth here is so brief, so we shouldn't hold on to material things, but if we can help someone else with the things we have, I think it will bring much blessing.  What would happen if we could all love in this way?


God gave EVERYTHING for us. He gave us Himself.  That is the greatest thing anyone could give.  We can do our part and give back to Him.


My challenge to anyone reading this, what are we waiting for?  Since "God so loved the world that He gave" why aren't we that motivated to give back to him..  Our love should push us do great things.  Jesus was considered crazy or even radical in the way He loved.  If we took this challenge and adopted  this kind of crazy love like Jesus had, how would our world change?  I challenge anyone reading this to find a way to love that may be slightly crazy to today's standards.  It could be that you're called to raise money to feed hungry children, or to help aids in Africa.  It could be as simple as giving away things you don't need anymore.  I encourage you all to evaluate your hearts and see where you can give back to God.  It's the least we can do.

Who rather, being in very nature, God [Jesus] did not consider equality with God something to be used to His own advantage.  Rather, He made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, and being found in human likeness, and being found in appearance as a human being, He humbled Himself, by being obedient do death, even death on a cross.  Therefore, God exalted Him to the highest place, and gave Him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus, every knee should bow, in heaven and earth and under the earth, and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ, is Lord.

There is a time for everything....

Well hey there. So its 2:39 a.m. and I decided to take a break from my exegetical paper. I've been working on it for around 4-5 hours today, and I'm really having a hard time focusing. It's kinda freaking me out cause I've spent a lot of time on it and I've only got 6 pages so far.  I'm just over half done! I'm writing it on Ephesians 3:14-21, which is a prayer for the Ephesians.  It's definitely a good one, so check it out!
Wow life has been sooo crazy lately.  Exams are next week. I can't believe this semester is pretty much over.  I have two more days of classes and five exams (4 exams and a jury) and then I'm done! Once I've got this paper done, all I've got is my exams...
But anyway, so today I was getting kind of stressed about everything because its just that crazy time of year, and I wasn't sure how I was going to get everything done.  And then God reminded me of his faithfulness. I just had to say, God is going to get me through this, so why am I worried right now? I stopped stressing because stressing is just saying that I'm not trusting God. There's a lot of other things in my life right now that I need to trust him in. My future, things back home, some friendships. But God's in control.  It's like that song we sing sometimes in chapel, "why do I worry, why do I freak out? something something... Better dressed than a bride on her wedding day." Jesus said, let tomorrow worry about itself.
I am so looking forward to being done with this semester. It has been grand! God's been so good to me this semester.  And just saying, I love my roomates :) It was great, me and my roomate Kayla had a good long talk tonight about life and boys.  (Also exegesis procrastination... or should I say exe-Jesus) It's so great cause we get good talks like this often.

So I was totally going to write a blog about last week cause I got to meet Family Force 5! It was pretty much epic cause they came to Cornerstone and talked to Music/ Media students. I got to meet them and talk/ hang out a bit, it was really fun. They signed my laptop and I got pictures with them. They talked about their making music which was sweet cause they're independent now.  I think it would be an incredibly amazing opportunity to be able to record someday. They played for us a new song that they might use for their new album, they claimed that it had never been played before. But it was really good!




As for my whole build a well- water thing, I'm not really sure where I'm going with it right now. I've found a way to connect to the ACT:s group here on campus, so I'll probably get involved with that.


I also have been looking into a lot of different possibilities for this summer. There was a study abroad trip or two I'm looking into and a few different ministry type things, but I'm kind of lost as to where I should go/ what I should do.  I guess it's all in God's timing.
I'm definitely going to be struggling to get through the rest of this week (and next week), so if you think of it, pray for me, and the other Cornerstone Students.
I should get back to my exe-Jesus....... I mean, exegesis.
Later dudes.

Thoughts of a helpless sinner

God is so good. Even when you think things are terrible, God still pulls through. Everytime. It never stops to amaze me.  I am so blessed, and have much to be thankful for.  I am blessed with a family that loves me, even when I do stupid things.  God has blessed me with many wonderful friends, friends back home, (and not at home but far, far away) friends here at school, and two awesome roomates!  I don't know what I would do without them.  He's given me a lot of people to greatly encourage me and keep me accountable. 
Last night, as we were driving here from my house, I was blessed with a beautiful sunset over Lake Michigan.  No picture could capture that moment, as I just praised my creator. I think everyone needs to take more notice and wonder, or fear for God when we see such amazing things.  It's sad how become so desensitized by God's creation.  Not saying I don't do it, cause I most definitely do.  But back to my story, to make things even better, the sky was clear after the sun set, and I could just see the most awesome stars.  I was just imagining how far away they are, and it reminds me of the Louie Giglio videos where he talks about the greatness of God.  He talks about how far away the stars are, and how big the universe is, and how small we are.  Really puts us in our place doesn't it? --- 
So basically Thanksgiving break was amazing, because God and I got to spend some quality time together.  That's where the whole last blog came from.  I still have to see where God's leading me, but I know he'll bless whatever it happens to be.  If anyone has any ideas or wants to join me on an endeavor to raise money to build either a clinic or dig a well, let me know! 
Lately God has really been giving me a heart to go out this summer, possibly on a mission trip.  I don't feel content with just staying home and working.  I feel like I should be out there trying to fix problems in the world.  I know I can't do everything, but I want to do as much as I can.  I haven't done enough in my life, its time to start getting out and being used by God. Who knows, maybe he will have me stay home and work here.  I think it also starts with myself.  Seeing how I want to do all this, means something else has to become less or gone.  Like Facebook. It's definitely going to be tough, but I can't wait to see the end result.
I want to encourage anyone reading this too seek to please your creator and take the time to listen to him.  So often I get caught up in the craziness and forget to LISTEN. And he's got good things to say.  And if you don't know God, he is crazy about you, and if you let him love you, he will shape and mold you into his child!
I'm going to let this be my prayer this week/ month:


Let us run with perseverance the race that is marked out before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfector of our faith.  For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider HIM who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will NOT grow weary OR lose heart. - Hebrews 12


I wanna set the world on fire, until its burning bright for you. It's everything that I desire, can I be the one you use? I am small but, you are big enough. I am weak, but you are strong enough to take my dreams, come up and give them wings, Lord with you, there's nothing I cannot do.

My new Blog ... I'm gonna change the world!

Hey people. So this is my blog! Isn't it awesome? I thought so. I have no idea how many people are going to read this. Maybe 5, maybe none, maybe 100.

I've always wanted to "change the world," but I ask myself, how can one, small insignificant person change the world? With God's help, we can move mountains. So here's to me changing the world.  I'm not exactly sure where to begin, so if anyone has any advice, let me know! I want to get involved in making the injustices of the world, right.  I'm really passionate about the fact that 1.1 BILLION people in the world have no access to clean drinking water.  There are a lot of organizations that help, and one in particular is Blood: Water Mission.  Check out their website at www.bloowatermission.com.  I am also passionate about human trafficking and sex-slavery.  Ever since I watched the movie taken, I knew I wanted to do something about it.  Love146 works to free children in sex slavery. love146.org -- check it out!!

So I'm thinking to start out, I may try to raise money to build a well in Africa at my school. Not really sure yet. But if you all could be praying or if anyone has any ideas or would like to join me on this endeavor, let me know!

I thought I should end with lyrics to the song that really made me think more about how I should be out there changing the world. It's a song by Natalie Grant. It's funny cause I don't really even listen to her, but this song made me think again. I guess it's also the title of my blog. Funny.

Sometimes I get that overwhelming feeling
So sad those faces on tv
If I tried to make a difference would it hello anyway
But then I stop and to myself I say


So you wanna change the world
What are you waiting for
You say you're gonna start right now
What are you waiting for
It only takes once voice
So come on now and shout it out
Give a little more
What are you waiting for


Sometimes I feel a little helpless
Seems like I can't do a thing
But anything is possible just you wait and see
Good things happen if you just believe


Someday somehow
Gonna take that step
Cause time is ticking away


Right here right now
Before it's too late
Gonna face tomorrow today


So I guess one last thing, Natalie Grant has an organization to help women in sex-trafficking.Link.
http://www.thehomefoundation.net/




So edit number 42 on this blog... I forgot to mention that I was deeply inspired by the book Do Hard Things by Brett and Alex Harris. Seriously, I wish I would have read that book years ago.  It is a challenge to young people to not be lazy and do something great.  We all have the potential to do something great, so why aren't we? Seriously, check out their website/ blog at www.therebelution.com. Seriously, it's a moving book and you can get a lot from them. That's all.