America's Missed it. Discipleship and suffering, what is it really like?

Today, my New Testament Class was really good. It all started when our professor told us to put our computers away. I got a little frustrated as I put it away.  But I realized that even my one little selfish thing is exactly what we've missed. I want my own comforts of life, all for myself, and can't be selfless enough to put away my computer, especially  not when I'm even learning about the bible....

Something is wrong here. Very wrong. I know I'm not the only person who does it.  But Jesus called us to live radically. What does that even look like?

One thing my professor said today that our mindset is this: "We often think, if it's hell, its not from God."  We often get worked up when bad things happen.  We worry about our own feelings, and life being hard, and it seems like its so often selfishly based.  But these bad things are an indication of something else, and they're not all bad.

We were looking at 1 Peter and seeing the connection to the suffering servant.  Jesus suffered.  We take that so lightly.  He SUFFERED. He was the perfect, son of God.  I can't even imagine a human, who did nothing wrong. But yet he was beaten, whipped, until the blood ran down his back onto the ground. I'm sure there were puddles of his blood. And as he was probably laying on the ground, with no strength to move, that's when he was mocked.  They took his clothes and laughed at him.  "You think you're a king don't you! Well I've never seen a king like this! A bloody mess." Most kings we see have crowns and great robes.  But our king was completely humbled, beaten, and suffered. This was in public.

And this is what we're called to.  I'm sure that scares a lot of Christians.  We want to live it safe, and hide in the background.  I'll read my bible, go to church, sing songs of praise, maybe even study the bible at a school, and that should be enough.  But I think that's living safe.  Our faith is public.  The early church underwent huge persecution.  They were killed for their faith.  And that happens all over the world, but in America we don't have that. Instead we freak out if people put us down.  And so many times it is Christians who condemn us for being different.  What is wrong with this?

But the story of our King is not over.  After suffering he was nailed to cross beams of wood, stripped down to nothing but a loincloth.  8 or 9 inch nails were driven into his wrists and feet.  He suffocated.  People mocked him while he was on the cross. "Save yourself," they cried. And he could have saved himself, but he knew that was not the will of his father.  Jesus submitted to God.  He remained silent. And that, my friends, is the whole point.  We are called to submit to God, whatever it may take us through.  It really is not always the best or fun, but he's called us to be bondservants.  But talking about bondservants could be a whole another blog post.

I'm sure some of you may be thinking, well that's awful, how is this supposed to be a good thing?  But after Jesus died, he was resurrected, and ascended into heaven, where he is enthroned with Glory.  This is where is is glorified for his righteousness, and his creation come into relationship with him.  The honor comes from the righteous heart. This is the same for us.  Living as a suffering servant, as Jesus, will bring us honor someday.  It's hard to see it now, but trust me, it's worth it.
We can also learn so much from our suffering.

I know the life I've just described is my own.  I was angry when I was forced to pay attention in bible class. How terrible is that?  God was definitely working in my heart that day.  I mess up all the time, and try to live for myself.  But that's where there's grace.  God loves us so much, and forgives our mess ups.  It makes me fall so much more in love with my creator.  Just to know his never-ending love for me.  He shows me how much he loves me by the little blessings everyday.

I thought I'd end with a section from Isaiah 53, on the suffering servant.

For he grew up before him like a young plant,
    and like a root out of dry ground;
he had no form or majesty that we should look at him,
   and no beauty that we should desire him.
He was despised and rejected by men;
   a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief;
and as one from whom men hide their faces
   he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he has borne our griefs

   and carried our sorrows;
yet we esteemed him stricken,
    smitten by God, and afflicted.
But he was wounded for our transgressions;
   he was crushed for our iniquities;
upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,
    and with his stripes we are healed.
All we like sheep have gone astray;
   we have turned—every one—to his own way;
and the LORD has laid on him
   the iniquity of us all.

He was oppressed, and he was afflicted,
    yet he opened not his mouth;
like a lamb that is led to the slaughter,
   and like a sheep that before its shearers is silent,
   so he opened not his mouth.
By oppression and judgment he was taken away;
   and as for his generation, who considered
that he was cut off out of the land of the living,
   stricken for the transgression of my people?
And they made his grave with the wicked
    and with a rich man in his death,
although he had done no violence,
   and there was no deceit in his mouth.

 Yet it was the will of the LORD to crush him;
   he has put him to grief;
when his soul makes an offering for guilt,
   he shall see his offspring; he shall prolong his days;
the will of the LORD shall prosper in his hand. Out of the anguish of his soul he shall see and be satisfied;by his knowledge shall the righteous one, my servant,
    make many to be accounted righteous,
    and he shall bear their iniquities.
Therefore I will divide him a portion with the many,
    and he shall divide the spoil with the strong,
because he poured out his soul to death
   and was numbered with the transgressors;
yet he bore the sin of many,
   and makes intercession for the transgressors.

The End

The summer is over. Done, I've completed my job.  But it is so much more than a job! It went so fast!  This summer was such a huge blessing! I could not have done anything better with my summer.  God was glorified in Cincinnati, Ohio, and I'm so honored to say I was a part of Group's summer ministry in 2011. The last few weeks were awesome! We had so much fun.  We got to visit the Creation museum and I was able to visit Dan Leitha.  That was so fun!  We got to visit the museum, get tours of the Answers in Genesis office, and I sat in Ken Ham's desk.  (and it was all legal!)

Week 6 and 7 went beautifully.  Week 6 was a bit of a challenge, but it was a good challenge.  It was really hard this week especially to have a lot of energy, and be excited about camp, but God gave me energy to get through.  We had some really neat people there that week.  Our HTMs were awesome!  We had a married couple named Bob and Shelbe, and they were probably in their 70s.  But they were just the sweetest people ever!  They wanted us to have the least amount of work possible.  It was funny cause sometimes they would even kick me or Taylor out of the kitchen, and not let us help them!  Bob has a culinary arts degree, so he was super helpful in the kitchen.  They would also visit sites all day and get a lot done, so I didn't have to worry about getting my pictures! They had been doing workcamps for like 15-20 years, and were just a blessing!  It was just awesome getting to hear their stories and share our lives with them.  They said that they had the most fun that they had ever had at a camp. So that was great.  We also had a youth leader who only brought 1 kid, and they had never done a camp before.  We got to talk to him a little bit, and he just had a great time.  The groups really seemed to connect and they had joined in with another group for devotions.  It was a good week.

Week 7 was probably my favorite week of the summer.  We only had 26 campers, so Taylor and I got to know them all pretty well.  We had two groups, one from northern New York, and one from Tennessee. It was awesome watching them interact and get to know each other.  They all made so much fun of each other's accents.  I prayed for this to be the best week, and for us to have the best God sightings, and for God to move the most in the campers than what we had seen at any other week.  And oh how God answered that prayer.  From the very first day, we already had some really good God sightings, and they only got better throughout the week.  I would love to share all of them, because they're so great, but I will share what I thought was the best from the week.  There was a group that went to do work projects at a Christian camp for the first two days, and they had a good time and everything, but for the second two days, they were assigned to go to a nursing home.  They were all really nervous about going and didn't want to go, and was just really having a hard time with it.  They got there, and were having a rough morning, but in the afternoon, ended up going to talk to Perry.  I'm not sure if I've talked about Perry before, but he is a man in this nursing home, who is in about his 40s, and was injured trying out for the Olympics, and is confined to a wheelchair.  Through it all, he ended up growing very close to God, and is now studying to be a Rabbi.  The group came back from their day, and said that they talked to Perry, and that he totally changed their outlook on the whole situation. They said he told them a lot of things they just needed to hear, and came to realize how much impact they could have to these residents in this nursing home.  They went back the second day, re-focused and had an amazing day.  I got to visit them while they were there, and I could just see so much joy and excitement in their faces.  It was amazing to see the transformation and the way that God had moved in their lives.  The leader of the group, Andy, got up and shared about this, and he said, "Rachel, God was definitely moving in you when you decided to put us here."  How humbling it was for me to see God use such a small thing, and me assigning the crews, looking to spread out the ages, and all the specifics on who can and can't work where, and how randomly it seemed to me, completely changed someone's life.  How big our God is! And this was just a small part of how awesome everything was all summer long.  God kept doing this week after week.  What an impact these campers have had on Cincinnati!

Wednesday night program was probably the best week 7 that it has been all summer.  God was just in that room, and speaking to many of the kids.  Our Wednesday night program basically allows the campers to have an opportunity allow them to take a grape, symbolizing making Jesus real in their lives.  Usually the campers, would just come up to the cross, take their grapes, and head back to their seats.  This week, they came up, took their grape, and knelt at the cross.  It was an amazing to watch all these young people listening to God, and trying to make things right with him.  I can't even describe how awesome it was.  I praise God for everything that happened that night.  The youth were also just there for each other.  It was awesome to watch.    All this happened by no way anything Taylor or I could do on our own, but I give all the credit to God.  It was sad to see this group go, especially since it was our last week.  We had a blast, and I am so thankful for such a great way to end the summer.

Friday, we had the campers help clean up, and we had a lot of cleaning, packing, organizing, loading, and all sorts of stuff to do, but we were able to get out around 5.  We stopped at our favorite Starbucks, one last time, and then headed out of Cincinnati.  We drove all the way to Highland Illinois where we stayed at Dylan's house.  Saturday, we got to visit St. Louis, and my family came down as well.  Dylan took us to the arch, and the city museum, and it was a blast!  It was great seeing him, and hanging out again! We stayed at his grandma's house, and she was so sweet to us!  We left Sunday after lunch and drove to Selina Kansas, where we basically crashed in our sketchy hotel.  The next day, we drove the rest of the way to Loveland! We didn't  do a whole lot when we got there.
But we had a great time in Loveland, seeing all the staff again, sharing stories from camp, our exit interviews.  Everything went well, and we had a good time. In our exit interviews, we got our evaluations, and Taylor and I both, had we had good evals, so that was great! We were super active with our time in Loveland/ Fort Collins.  In one day, we went to Robin's body-pump class, then zumba, and then we went water skiing.  The next day, Taylor, Jess, and I hiked up a mountain, and then down again on the other side to a reservoir where we found a place where we could go swimming.  On the way down, we found this little cave-like rock thing that was covered in graffiti, it was probably one of the coolest things ever!  Then we got down to the water, and found a nice little spot where we could swim, and jump off the rocks into the water. It was so much fun!  Then we had to hike down the mountain, and got a little too much sun....
The next day we hung out with the staff a lot, and had a great time visiting with them, and doing whatever.  Then we are to today, where I am on  my flight home.  We got up really early, and spent 6 hours in the airport before our flight left.  Thank goodness that our flight was on time!  I suppose I might end up writing more after I get off the plane, but there's not much else to say right now.  I'm excited to see my family again!

I would like to greatly thank all the full time staff at Group, for putting an awesome program together, and for allowing us to have this amazing summer.  There is no way any of us could do it without their help.  They are an amazing group of people who's greatest passion is to see young people know Christ. I thank Mike and Tracy and the rest of Lifestream Christian Church for being so open and welcoming to allow us to stay at their church, as well as letting us stay at their house and being so hospitable.  Thanks to Taylor for putting up with me all summer long, and for being amazing at what she does.  Also, for being my best friend starting this summer.  She loves God with her whole heart, and loves people, and helping them see Christ through her life.  I am so blessed to be put with her in Cincinnati all summer.  Thanks to Dave, our local coordinator, for putting our projects together, finding a place for us to stay, and really making camp in Cincinnati, possible.  We could not have done it without all these people.  Thanks to my family who couldn't see me all summer, but supported me along the whole way.  Thanks to all the youth leaders who gave up a week of their time to pour into the lives of the participants at our camp.  You all were awesome! Thanks to all of you who have been praying all summer long for this ministry, and most of all, I thank God for giving me this opportunity for a life-changing experience.  Only time will tell if I work with Group next  year.  I would absolutely love to again, if everything works out that way.  It has been one crazy ride, and such a learning and growing experience.  I would never take any of it back for anything.

"For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord God Almighty.  Plans to prosper you and not to harm you.  Plans to give you a hope and a future."

Pouring of my life into others

So I haven't updated in like forever. I'm sorry! I've been extremely busy!  I'm just about to start week 6 (but by the time I actually post this, it will probably be full into the week)

Things have been going well.  Very tiring, but awesome! This past weekend, Taylor and I were able to go to Kings Island Amusement park, it was fun! Week 3, 4, and 5 have just flown by! 

Week 3 was our fourth of July week. It was def. tiring.  We took the groups to some fireworks on the 4th... made me extra tired.  And the fireworks weren't even that great.  But it was still a fun week.  That weekend I got to go to Kings Island for Spirit Song festival with Skillet, Thousand Foot Krutch, Family Force 5, Chris Tomlin, and Tenth Avenue North.  It was pretty fun!  

Week 4 was really tough.  I was so tired, and it was the middle week, and a hard point to get through the summer.  Lets just say we had a few unhappy, hard-to please campers.  But honestly, we really did love them all! We freakishly had car troubles, on the last day... again. A bus broke down, and then we sent a vehicle to go pick them up, and that broke down.  It was definitely an adventure!

Week 5 was a blast! There was a group from Grand Rapids, and their youth leader, goes to GRTS (basically my school!) So it was kinda freaky in that sense, but it was really fun!  We only had 50 campers this week, so it took a lot of stress of of us.  It didn't take us as long to prepare for that week.  It was such a good week.  Those kids were so great... ok so all of them have been great! It has been really fun to get to know some of them and hang out with them. 

We had some crazy stuff happen too. Like a homeless man sleeping in our parking lot. And then a homeless man trying to get into the church. And tried to get into the door we were sleeping in.  It was freaky! 

It was really cool though because I saw a lot of growth in the campers during this week.  At the beginning of the week, many of them were kind of unsure, and didn't really like their service project.  But throughout the week, I watched as their attitude changed, and they ended up really enjoying them by the end of the week.  We also had some of the best God sightings this week.  There was a group that was helping with a fundraiser for the Foodbank which they were working at, so they were downtown Cincinnati, at Fountain Square, and they randomly went up to a guy, and shared the gospel with him! It was just cool to see how passionate these kids were about serving, and seeing God.

One thing God has really been teaching me, is about discipleship.  It may seem weird and random.  But I'm realizing its why I'm here in Cincinnati today. The church I've been going to (which has also been a huge blessing), the pastor on Sunday was preaching out of Philippians. The title of the series he had been doing was called ReJoy, and was all about how we can experience the fullest joy as believers.  Well the week before he had been talking about community, and then this week he was talking about discipleship.  I've been reading through Paul's letters in my devos, and it went right along with what he was talking about.  We will experience much joy through discipling.  This pastor was using Paul, and Timothy as a good example of discipleship.  Paul poured his life into Timothy, so Timothy could pour his to the rest of the believers he was preaching to, and then they could pour their lives to others.  The pastor was saying how we should ALWAYS be where Timothy was, always being mentored as well as being a mentor to others.  I think about this job, and how that's so true of where I am.  The group staff, has poured so much into our lives, preparing this summer for us, for at least a year.  How much more should I be pouring into each and every one of these kids and adults that come through my camp.  Even though its the end,  and I'm tired and worn out, these kids need me to be an example for them, and I should be giving all I've got to give to them. I guess that's about all I've got. 

So I'm in the middle of week six now, its been flying by.  I have one week left.  And I'm trying to give all I've got.  I guess I can't do it without God's strength.  When we have an adult who has some complaint every time I talk to him, I have to remember that it's not about me.

This summer has flown by so quickly.  This week has been pretty awesome.  Today I got to eat lunch on the Ohio river, and just enjoy my job, relax a little.  Tonight (Tuesday) is our night off, so I just get to come relax at Starbucks.  Which this is pretty much the coolest Starbucks I've ever been to.  They have live music on Friday and Saturday evenings, tons of games, and people just come and hang out all the time.  It's so great! This summer has been such a blessing to me! I've met so many awesome people, seen God here in Ohio, and feel like He has been glorified here.  It's cool to see how people open up, and think highly of what we do here.  There's a guy we see here a lot at Starbucks, and he's a Christian, and went to a Christian school in England, its just cool how he's shared a bit about that, and asks about our summer.  People keep asking me if I'd do it again.  I'm thinking that I would. If I am able to give up my whole summer again because of school and such, I really think I would.  During training we sang the song "Came to My Rescue" by Hillsong a lot.  I would think, and pray about the words in there that say "I want to be where you are."  At first, I didn't want to come to Cincinnati, but God broke wall down fast.  I just said, "God you'll be present in Cincinnati, I just know it, and I want to be where YOU are." And let me tell you, he is here.

"I am the vine, you are the branches.  If you remain in me, and I in you, you will produce much fruit.  For apart from me, you can do nothing." -  Jesus

Living through rainstorms and changed lives.

Wow. Wow. WOW! God is so good! I can't believe that I've finished two weeks of camp!  I've been thinking and dreaming about it for months. I am so blessed! I don't even know where to begin. I've experienced so many special things, and I wish I could write about them all.

First of all, my partner who I'm working with this summer. Amazing.  I'm so glad God put us together.

We finished our second week of training in Estes, and made the trek across the country to Ohio.  This city is great!

Our Monday evening program went okay, none of the campers seemed to grasp the message, they had a lot of energy.  But the coolest thing happened, (we found out) afterwards,  One of the campers was really shy and the youth leader said he had only spoken a few words in the past, and last year at Group, he shared with their whole youth group.  So Taylor asked a kid next to him (not knowing any of this) to read the bible for the night, and the kid said, hey, this other kid (the one the story is about) should do it! And he got up there and did it! The youth leaders were thrilled!

Tuesday was hard.  The work projects that day were great, but as soon as everyone got back to the church, it began to storm.  And it was a crazy one.  The rain was coming down so hard, and the wind blowing so much that even opening the door you would get soaked.  And then the basement started flooding. So we spent most of our day off bailing water out of the basement.  Eventually we were able to get away for a quick dinner out.

Wednesday evening was amazing.  So incredible.  Wednesday is what is known as "cry night" by some people.  This is where we present the message of Jesus Christ being our savior, and it is moving to most of the campers.  God was working and I could feel his presence in that room.  One kid accepted Christ as he had watched his brother become a Christian and wanted the same thing, but finally was able to accept it.  He found his youth leader and was like, I need to get baptized.  So his youth leader baptized him over a garbage can.  Everything of that night was so amazing and it was so cool to see God break down these kids and make them yearn for him.

The rest of the week was awesome, and it was fun getting to know some of the campers, but they all left Friday morning.

The next week, campers started arriving early, so we jumped right into that week.  The first couple days of the week was really tough.  I didn't think I would be able to make it through the week.  There were so many last minute switches I had to make in the crew assigning that it messed up a bunch of vehicle situations, and there were just a lot of problems with it.  Many of the youth leaders seemed a little tired and crabby.  There were also problems with the rooming situation.  Some of the girls had spread out a bit, and then a youth group that got in late wasn't able to find places to sleep.  There was just so much going on at once.  Monday, and part of Tuesday, I was just feeling like I wasn't adequate at my job, and I couldn't do it.  But God showed me otherwise.
Our night off was so much fun! We went downtown and hung out with our HTMs.  They were such a blessing! (Kris and Christen) Seriously, we couldn't have had better HTMs. HTMs our our volunteers for the week that basically do everything we can't do, and help us do everything.  They are so great.  But anyway, we had beautiful weather Tuesday and we weren't bailing water out of the basement so I was so excited and happy about that! We just had a great evening/ night off.  Wednesday, it seemed I was starting to really connect with campers.  Wednesday evening program was awesome.  I had campers coming up to me, thanking me and giving me a hug.  God was so present in that room, it was incredible.  This came to the point where God was teaching me, that even though I feel week, he is strong and he used me, to change lives.  And I feel like I didn't do anything.

The rest of the week was so much fun, and an absolute blast!  When I went to visit sites, it was hard to leave because I wanted to hear the campers' stories of the day, and things that had been going on.  The campers this week just loved getting to know us more, and  hanging out, which made camp so much fun.  They really enjoyed our lights out, because we wrote them songs, read them stories, and on the very last night, did the hoedown throwdown dance, and they loved that because they could join in.  It was all just so much fun!
One of the youth leaders had actually graduated from Cornerstone so we got to share college stories, so that was fun.

These campers were just a joy to hang out and be with.  God changed my heart as I had a bad attitude going into the week.

I'll end with a story that make me know without a doubt that God's hand is on this camp.  One of the groups was from Pennsylvania and on Thursday, their bus broke down.  They were able to get it into a shop right away and the guy there was so awesome.  He was able to get the bus in, to work on it starting the next morning.  (Friday)  Dave, the bus driver had said he figured it would cost around $500 to fix it, but the after hearing the story of why they were here, the guy at the shop ended up bringing the price down to $73.  He had taken $200 off the bill, and said, we'll find a way to make that up somewhere.  What a blessing! The group was finally able to get off around 6 PM Friday, and get off safely to Pennsylvania.  God was so good this week, and not only changed lives of the campers and adult leaders, but also my life as well.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow!
Praise Him all creatures here below,
Praise him above ye heavenly hosts.
Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost!
Amen.

The Adventure Has Only Begun

I've spent my first week in Colorado.  What am I doing here? Training for Group Cares, where I'll be working with their week of hope program to do short term missions.  That's just a brief overview of it.

My first day was long, but as the plane descended into the Denver airport, I caught a small glimpse of the majestic mountains.  And this was only the beginning.  It was awesome and odd as we met in the airport with the other summer staffers.  But it didn't take long for us to make good friends.

We started training on Sunday, and began meeting everyone.  Sunday night we sang some worship songs and then found out our crews and where we would be serving for the summer.  They made it super dramatic and I almost couldn't stand the suspense.  I was hoping I would be put with one of the girls I already met, but God had something better.  I was also hoping to go somewhat out of the mid-west.  Well, God has a way of doing things his way, because he knows it's best.

When I got matched up with my partner, I just knew it was going to be a good match.  Then, I found out I was going to Cincinnati, which at first, I was kinda bummed but now I'm excited for it!  We'll be pretty close to Kentucky and the Creation Museum which is something I've always wanted to go to.  As Taylor (my partner) and I got to know each other more, I realized that this is going to be an awesome summer!  We get along really well, and she's just awesome.  I had been praying for her to be someone that I could grow spiritually with, get along with, and become good friends, and I've seen that God has answered every single one. How great is that?

The rest of the week we stayed pretty busy with training.  It seemed like all we did was training, eat, training, eat,  and go to bed.  We've been learning a lot, and I'm definitely starting to feel a lot more comfortable about this summer.  One day, they had CPR/ First Aid training, and since I'm already certified, me and some of my friends decided to go for a hike.  We had an awful map, and couldn't find what we were looking for, but ended up having a great hike anyway.  It was such a beautiful view from the top. Here are the girls I've come really close with.  We do a lot together, and they're basically awesome!

Friday, we moved from the YMCA of the Rockies to Estes Park Middle School.  We then had some time off and could explore a bit of Colorado.  The time off was great!  Last night, we hung out in Estes Park, and went geocaching.  I actually found it, and it was really exciting! Today, I hiked a mountain.  A large group of us summer staff went into the Rocky Mountains and went on a hike.  It was so amazing because just when I thought the view and the mountains couldn't get any better, they did.  God just showed me how big he is.  And along with that, I was reminded that I shouldn't have to be by the majestic mountains to do that.  When we got to the end, we read some Psalms, enjoyed the beauty of Emerald Lake, and sang a few worship songs.  It was so much fun, it took us around 4-5 hours, but was totally worth the sweat, heat, and cold snow.  There were a few parts where we decided to "hike up the cliff" and it was really fun.

This is Emerald Lake, even though you can't really see the lake here, but it's down there, I promise. (:

Tomorrow we get to go to church in Loveland and hang out by a lake, and have a picnic.  And then it's back to training!  It will go by fast I'm sure, and then next Sunday, I leave for my trip across the US to Cincinnati.  Me and Taylor are really excited for this summer!  Thank-you all who are praying for me in this endeavor, and I hope to update again soon!

The end to the new beginning

My first  year of college is done.  It was so fast. I can't even believe it's over! So where do I go from here? I'll talk a little about that later. But first I must talk about this year.  It's crazy coming home to my small town after being in a much bigger (but not super big) town.  I'm definitely experiencing some reverse culture-shock here. Kind of pathetic, I know.  Also missing my college friends, and my dorm, and roomates which won't be my roomates next year.  I already am looking forward to going back, because there's so many new things I can't wait to experience. I'm excited to catch up with my good friends here however.

I can't even everything that's happened this year.  I've done so much, experienced so many new things, grown so much.  It all happened in not even a year. The second semester itself was intense.  The first half was great!  It was very joyous and God was doing some amazing things.  The second half, God was testing me and trying me. Things were really hard the whole time, but looking back, I see it as a time of growth.  I could go into more detail but, it's really something that you'd have to talk to me about it person.  It has a lot to do with a few other people, and I'd rather not talk about it here.

I will say more generally what I've learned.  I think everything as a whole has been God teaching me to trust him.  I've learned to know why I believe what I believe.  He's just taught me so much about him, and I've come to see that he needs to be in control and I should seek to please him only.  I'm not here for anything in this world, if I'm trying to make people happy, I have nothing.  "Set your mind on things above, not the things of this world." (Colossians 3:2)  Our society is so consumed and fed up with things.  It's called consumerism.  How many people have a cell phone, i-pod, TV, laptop etc?  I even have a cell phone and a laptop, but we so often get things without even thinking about it.  Do we really need the new i-pod? How would my life change with it, or without it?  What if we didn't have the cool new technology "toys" (I'll call them)? It makes me to sick to think how easily Christians (including myself) fall into the trap of having stuff.  Yes, these things are nice, and they're good to have every once in a while.  And yes, many things can be helpful in church and spreading the gospel.  What's not okay is when it consumes us.  I challenge everyone reading this to evaluate your life, and the things you have.  This world is so meaningless, and what if we die tomorrow? What will I have gained by having the best laptop, i-pod, phone etc.?
When Jesus called his disciples, he asked them to leave everything behind.  How many of us could do that? Just up and leave our home, lives, our stuff, our friends, and family.  But isn't that what God wants us to do?  "Let us throw off everything that so easily entangles us, and run with perseverance, the race that is marked out before us,  fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith." (Hebrews 12:1-2)  That's the challenge for my life, and I would hope for yours.
But God is good.  He will give us everything we need. Just what we need. Recently, I've been struck by the words to the song "This is Our God" by Hillsong.

Freely You gave it all for us, surrendered your life upon that cross. Great is Your love, poured out for all, this is our God.  

Lifted on high from death to life, forever our God is glorified, sovereign king, rescued the world, this is our God!

How powerful is that?  This is the God we worship, and the God we serve.  He is greater than any other, and if we truely love him, we would be willing to give up some of ourselves for him.  To bless his name.  To bless means to becomes less so he can become greater. (John 3:30)  He will provide all of our needs, so we don't need to worry or fret about tomorrow.  He is greater than that.

Now, I want to share a little about my plans for the summer.  I will be working with an organization called Group Mission trips where I will be working with youth all summer long, as they do a "short term mission/ outreach trip.  My job is to partner with all the ministries in the local community in which we will be serving.  They have camps all over the US.  First, I will be traveling to Colorado for staff training, and then they'll send us out for the summer.  There's around 100 other summer staff, and there will be about 25,000 youth this summer  This is an absolute amazing experience for me, and it was incredible how God worked things out so I could get this job.  I don't even know what I'm getting into, but I know God will bless it, as I am stepping out on faith.  So I hope to update this summer from my blog, and share some things that are going on.  I'm not sure how much time I'll have for it, because I basically only get time off on the weekends.  It will be intense, but very rewarding.

If you could pray for me and the other staff this summer, that would be awesome!  I leave in a little less than 3 weeks, so just pray for God to prepare my heart for ministry, and for God to work in the lives of youth this summer.  Pray that he will not only prepare my heart, but the youth as well.

Thank you all for reading this, I appreciate it.  Feel free to comment and tell me if you hate it or if it was encouraging.  May God's grace be with you.

Reflections on some experiences

Discerning God's will.  Probably one of the hardest things to do.  I can't even begin to give advice on how to do that.  I'm learning and trying so hard to right now to understand God's will for me.  So much, that it hurts.  How do we understand the things that happen without questioning that God is good, and his plan is sovereign?  These are some of the questions that are coming to mind as I am searching myself.

I just have to keep remembering that God is good.  He is perfect.

So i'm just randomly throwing this in here, but my friend's status on Facebook was this: "When I try, I fail, when I trust, God succeeds." This is so true. We cannot even learn to discern God's will without his spirit leading in our lives.  It's crazy to think about that.

God has definitely shown himself in this year.  I have seen him work in my life, and I have much more to learn.  This year, God's given me many new experiences and has stretched me.  I've been given success and disappointment in not getting something I thought was supposed to do.  Just this week, I was disappointed because I didn't get a certain leadership position that I thought I might be doing.  But I know it's part of God's will.  It hurts, but I have to trust him.  God has shown me his heart and forced me to continually trust him daily because he has and knows my ultimate plan.  I have to learn every day to seek his will, and not my own.  It's so easy for me because I'm a planner, and I want to have my whole life planned and figured out.  But instead God just shows me his will little by little, and I have to trust him that he's in control.

God really showed me how was in control over this past spring break.  My choir was on tour in Florida and I was getting ready for one of the concerts, and burned my hand on a straightener.  It hurt really bad and I was really frustrated and mad at God that it had to happen right then.  Through all this, God just broke me and said, "I'm in control, stop trying to take over."  Which is totally what I was trying to do.  Today in chapel we sang the hymn, "I Need Thee Every Hour" and this phrase really stuck out to me:

I need thee every hour, teach me thy will;  and in thy rich promises in me fulfill.

The more we seek his will, the more he will show himself faithful in our lives and fulfill promises in us.  It's not always what we want.  Sometimes it hurts and it's not what we want.  But we will see someday exactly why things happen.  Sometimes God is trying to speak to us, and we don't listen, so he has to cause us pain to get our attention.  I definitely strive to be like Paul, who learned to thank God for suffering.  "Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character hope." (Romans 5:3-4)  All the hard things I've dealt with, has helped me grow so much closer to my savior and made me the person I am today.  So if you're reading this, and are hurting and wondering why so many things seem hard or wrong, be encouraged that God is working in your life, and you will come through a better person in Christ.  I believe that with my whole heart.

To end, I didn't end up talking much about discerning God's will, but I know that it's hard, and God wants us to trust him.  He created us for his perfect and awesome plan, and eventually we end up connecting the dots.  It's one of the hardest things to do, but the more we seek Christ, the more we find it.  Patience, perseverance, and having faith/ trust in God, is going to help.  I'm still trying to learn how to discern his will and listen to his voice.  Feel free to comment on your thoughts about this.  I'll end with a quote from A.W. Tozer which is so true and good.

"The man or woman who is wholly or joyously surrendered to Christ can't make a wrong choice.  Any choice will be the right one.  Maybe your question should not be 'What should I do?' but rather, 'Am I wholly and joyously surrendered to Christ?"

That's the bottom line. Seeking Christ, and he will encourage you and help you understand.  It's not something that comes overnight, but over time.  Something I'm still working on.

So really to end, here are the words to Tis so sweet.  This song has been my prayer since I auditioned on it for the music program at Cornerstone.  I don't understand exactly why God has brought me here or why I am doing music, but I've come to peace to know that I am trusting him.

1. 'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
   Just to take Him at His Word;
   Just to rest upon His promise,
   And to know, “Thus saith the Lord!”
   • Refrain:
     Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
     How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er;
     Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
     Oh, for grace to trust Him more!
2. Oh, how sweet to trust in Jesus,
   Just to trust His cleansing blood;
   And in simple faith to plunge me
   ’Neath the healing, cleansing flood!
3. Yes, ’tis sweet to trust in Jesus,
   Just from sin and self to cease;
   Just from Jesus simply taking
   Life and rest, and joy and peace.
4. I’m so glad I learned to trust Thee,
   Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend;
   And I know that Thou art with me,
   Wilt be with me to the end.

The Greatness of Our God

So I haven't updated in a while.  I figured I should maybe write something for you 3 people who read my blog.

This week, God did some really cool things.  His faithfulness to me is so present.  He is so good! He is still doing good things.
It all began with at the beginning of this week, when I got a few calls for summer jobs I'm applying for. Basically I've applied to Group Mission Trips, and TEAMeffort, organizations that put on a short term mission trip/ service project week for youth groups.  It's been amazing because God has bee so good in them! I didn't really know what I was getting into when I applied, but just followed God.  I ended up having an initial phone interview with Group Mission Trips, and then they contacted me and had me create a interview video!  Then this week I got calls from both places, and Group Mission Trips told me that I was moving on to the final interview! I couldn't believe it! TEAMeffort then had me have an interview, so that was Thursday, and it went well! I just can't believe how God's been providing and making everything come together.  I still don't know if I'll get either job, but I'm so blessed to have made it this far! I've already learned and been able to grow soooo much from both experiences.

So that's Thursday.  And Friday was even more amazing.  I got an email in the morning saying that I had my check for my overcharge on my bill, and that I could pick up a check in the business office.  So after my class, I went to go pick it up, and it was 3 TIMES as much as I thought it was going to be! It is definitely a significant amount of money which will help me pay for school next year! I just started crying because God's really been forcing me to trust Him with money.  Basically right now, I don't have a job, I almost got a job at my school's library, but ended up being "runner up."  I had also applied at a lot of other places, and no one hired me.  I was however put on the housekeeping sub list, so I get called sometimes, it's usually random.  Definitely forcing me to trust God because I don't know when I'm going to be getting hours.  God was good in this, because I was able to get 10 hours of work last weekend! And then this check, God's just providing for me! It's so incredible to watch it happen.  And, I got a letter from my friend Sarah! It was AWESOME! She drew me pictures and everything.

Then, it was later that evening, I found out that I was getting the final interview which I already talked about and God also provided for my University Chorale's spring tour.  We didn't have a place to stay for a few nights, and someone who originally said that it wouldn't work out, called back and asked if there was any way he could help. So his church or whatnot will be hosting us, and we've gotten another concert! God totally had it all planned out.

So today (Saturday) was also incredible. My friend Cat had invited me to do some kind of children's ministry with her, and I didn't really know much about it, but she said that there was a lunch thing that we would be going to today, and we thought we would be serving, but really it was a lunch for all the volunteers.  It was great, it ended up being Urban Family Ministries, and we were going to end up working with the Super Saturday that they run, Saturday nights, at Calvary Church which is right across the road from Cornerstone, within walking distance! I met a few people who worked with Urban Family Ministries that had graduated from Cornerstone.  And then I met a few people who know my choir director very well, and it was amazing. Mary, one of the ladies, is a very special woman.  Our Chorale actually went to her house for a retreat, and rehearsed in their barn.  She also had worked with Dr. Walters for many years while he was a worship minister.  This was just an amazing and crazy connection, where I think God was telling me that this is what I was praying for.  I have been praying to get involved with a youth group/ some sort of church ministry, and I know that this is an answer to my prayers.  The lunch was great, I met some amazing people, who really have a heart to serve.  I was able to get into a deep conversations about Crazy Love, which was so encouraging.  All the people seemed so excited to have us volunteer.  There were also a lot of really adorable older ladies.   Then this evening, Cat and I went to Calvary to work at the ministry, and it was really a great time.  Some of the volunteers were like, oh "who's the worship leader?" (Referring to me) and asked me to help with music.  I just had an amazing time with the volunteers and kids that evening, they are all wonderful amazing people.  I feel right at home.

God has just been so good. And he's still working in my life, as I am doing my interview tomorrow.  Honestly, It's been just overwhelming how great God is, and how he's giving back. I'd encourage you all to see areas in your life where God wants to use you.  Developing an intimate relationship with Christ, by making specific time to pray, study his word, will bring so much blessing and joy to life.  That's how I'm feeling, and I would absolutely love for every Christian to be able to obtain that joy.  I still have a lot to work on, and I'm nowhere near perfect, I don't want anyone to take this as me being boastful, but as me encouraging you by sharing how God's working in my life, so that he may do the same in you!

In closing, I would like to share some song lyrics, just really amazing song for me this week.  It's called Greatness of Our God.  Those times where my heart was anxious, but I had to remember that God is greater than my fears.

Give me eyes to see more of who you are
May what I behold, still my anxious heart.
Take what I have known and break it all apart.
For you my God, are greater still.


[Chorus] And no sky contains, no doubt restrains all you are, the greatness of our God!
I'll spend my life to know, that I'm far from close to all you are, the greatness of our God.


Give me grace to see beyond this moment here. 
To believe that there is nothing left to fear.
That you alone are high above it all.
And you my God, are greater still.


[Chorus]


And there is nothing, that could ever separate us
No there's nothing, that could ever separate us from your love.
No life, no death, of this I am convinced!
You my God, are greater still!


[Chorus 2] And no words could say, or song convey all you are, the greatness of our God!
I'll spend my life to know, I'm far from close to all you are, the greatness of our God!

Love in giving: Galatians 6:2

Bear with one another's burdens. Reach out to your neighbor.

Overwhelmed By a Relentless God

You can never out-give God. Never.  God is just so good.


I've been reading the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan. If you have not read it, please do! I'll even buy it for someone if you'd like. Seriously, this book is changing my life.  I can look at life in such a different way. Well anyway, the book has been talking about giving and how God is going to provide for you.  I can't out-give God. He's going to take care of me. Here is a quote from the book that is so true: "If you really want to experience God's supernatural provision, then do as He says. Test Him.  Give more than you can manage, and see how He responds."  He says that this is the only place in the bible (Mal. 3:10) where it says we can test God.  I mean, we can't give Him back more than He's already given us.  And why do we give? Because we love God.  We can't look at it like a chore, but if we do it out of love, it IS love. Love for Christ.


So I took this challenge and decided that anything I needed didn't matter, but in my love for God, I wanted to give back to Him.  I had not given to God all semester, and I had already paid my bill for the spring, except my parents paid around $250 which I didn't have.  I was thinking I should save the money in my account to give back to them, but after reading about it Crazy Love, I knew I had to give back to God, and that should be my priority.  So I gave back to God, and decided that I would give all I have, because I love God.  And how did God respond?  Just yesterday I got an updated bill from Cornerstone that they had a mistake on one of my charges, and that it was actually $100 less than what I had already paid.  So I will be getting $100 back.  That's more than I was even able to give in the first place.  God is just so good.  And I want to share His goodness with the world.


Another thing Chan talked about in the book was how the Corinthian church, everyone gave to help eachother out so that there was a balance of needs.  Those who had less, were given so they became equal to those who gave to them.

Our desire is not that others might be relieved while you are hard pressed, but that there might be equality.  At the present time you plenty will supply what they need, so that in turn their plenty will supply what you need.  Then there will be equality, as it is written: "He who gathered much did not have too much, and he who gathered little did not have too little." - 2 Corinthians 8:13-15

What if we did that for each other in our society today?  We might be looked at as Crazy, but why should we hoard everything we have to ourselves because it is so brief.  Our life on earth here is so brief, so we shouldn't hold on to material things, but if we can help someone else with the things we have, I think it will bring much blessing.  What would happen if we could all love in this way?


God gave EVERYTHING for us. He gave us Himself.  That is the greatest thing anyone could give.  We can do our part and give back to Him.


My challenge to anyone reading this, what are we waiting for?  Since "God so loved the world that He gave" why aren't we that motivated to give back to him..  Our love should push us do great things.  Jesus was considered crazy or even radical in the way He loved.  If we took this challenge and adopted  this kind of crazy love like Jesus had, how would our world change?  I challenge anyone reading this to find a way to love that may be slightly crazy to today's standards.  It could be that you're called to raise money to feed hungry children, or to help aids in Africa.  It could be as simple as giving away things you don't need anymore.  I encourage you all to evaluate your hearts and see where you can give back to God.  It's the least we can do.

Who rather, being in very nature, God [Jesus] did not consider equality with God something to be used to His own advantage.  Rather, He made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, and being found in human likeness, and being found in appearance as a human being, He humbled Himself, by being obedient do death, even death on a cross.  Therefore, God exalted Him to the highest place, and gave Him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus, every knee should bow, in heaven and earth and under the earth, and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ, is Lord.